It's Been a While

Hello. It’s me.

That would have been funnier if I had written it back when that song was still popular, which is also when this dropped off the radar. I haven’t written here since 2016. I actually haven’t written anything since 2016, and I’ll kindly ask for patience while I knock the rust off. It may be a while and will probably involve more backtracking than progress. Not unlike everything else in my life.

Let’s not just pick up where we left off. Last time I posted an entry here I had just quit my job and moved to Columbia. I sold my house, and got an apartment with a roommate that quickly became a best friend. Living in Columbia, with family and so many friends nearby, I was happy. I was probably the happiest I’d been in years, or maybe ever.

So of course something had to go horribly wrong. I moved because I needed something new, including a new job. And the new job was okay, and seemed to provide the challenge I was looking for.  I worked with some great people. Unfortunately, I also worked in an incredibly toxic environment. I was constantly in tears. I had a boss that made it clear he wanted me gone. Something had to give and I decided that it would be me. Everything else is perfect, except this job- the one thing that has always been a driver in my life. So, I quit. I turned in my resignation letter, finished out a week, and I was done.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t love the look of shock on my manager’s face. Honestly, I don’t know why he was surprised. He’d put me on probation. He’d discussed termination steps. He’d caught me looking for jobs while I was still at work with a desk that faced his office door. And yet he had the audacity to tell me he was caught off guard. I knew how much I’d grown as a person when I didn’t start laughing at him.

Now anyone that knows me knows I don’t make huge changes without knowing exactly what’s going to happen next. I am not a risk-taker. My idea of taking a risk is not looking at or changing my seat assignments on an airplane. What if I’m in the middle? What if I’m near the back when I have a short layover and need to rush off? Just thinking about it gets my adrenaline pumping.

So anyway, I started a new job in Florida. I left this perfect life with the perfect roommate and perfect social circle and perfect gym, and moved to a city where I knew literally no one for a new job that I had never done before. It was me, and my two dogs.

Which, in case you didn’t know, soon became one dog. Within the first six weeks of moving to Florida, Emmett developed a tumor in his spine that couldn’t be treated. I drove him back to South Carolina to say goodbye and let him go.

And I started thinking about this blog. I said so many times that life after something like divorce would be a huge change. The subtitle to this blog is about change. And yet I’d been living in the same house, with the same job, doing the same things I had when I was married. Feels a little disingenuous now that I look back on it. A lot has changed. I still have a lot to say. I’m still just unsure of what to do with this. I want to continue. I want to do something that may help and entertain other people.

A theme would help. Who doesn’t love a theme? Just some kind of unifying note throughout it all, that may help keep me focused as well as build an audience. For a brief moment I considered making the central theme of this a fitness blog, but then I saw myself naked in the mirror.

Maybe I just need to continue writing, forcing myself to sit down and put something out on a regular basis. Waiting for inspiration or some catalyzing event doesn’t get things done. As Chuck Close said, “Inspiration is for amateurs- the rest of us just show up and get to work.” The only way I’m going to make anything of this little venture is to keep doing it. The only way I’ll be a better writer is to keep doing it, and that includes the failures.

So stay tuned. I’ll want to write about the things that lead me to this spot in my life. The people that have taught me so much and how it’s helped me cope. Or how leaving behind almost everything from my “old life” has allowed me to become who I am. And feel free to keep me on track. Feel free to comment or reach out. Feel free to make suggestions on where this can go.

I’m serious. Suggestion box is open. #helpme