It's oddly easy for me to write a blog about it, but we're all different.
I've made it because I have no other choice. For a while, it felt like everything around me was crumbling to the ground. Some days I wanted to lay around and sob, but I always had something to do. Life doesn't stop even if I feel like I have. So, I pushed it all down and pretty soon I started to just not feel it any more.
Divorce isn't easy, but I know we'll both be happier going our separate ways.
That didn't make it any easier when I gave him my wedding rings. We barely had any contact over several months when he came to collect some of this things. The engagement ring was a family heirloom, and under no circumstances could I keep that from him. So he came over, I handed him the rings, and he left in a hurry since he had plans. I stood there and watched him go, heard his truck start, and listened as the sound grew fainter as he drove away. In the silence I was suddenly aware of my own breathing, and how choked I felt. It was like trying to swallow a pill that just won't go down, leaving a weight in your chest and making you feel like your throat might close.
Handing him the rings he put on my hand felt final. It was a hurdle to get over and a step toward healing, sure. But if you ask anyone that's gone through something like this, the path to acceptance and happiness isn't a gradient from black to white. It's a path in the woods that'll loop around itself, with patches of light and darkness along the way.
People have pointed out I seem different, and in many ways happier. This divorce has been as simple as one could hope. Sometimes, I even call it amicable. It's the impetus to set me on a journey to get out of my comfort zone and find where I need to be.
But it's never easy.