Thursday, May 7, 2015

Paragraph IV(a)(3)

There are a few things, in a divorce, that each party “claims” that don’t appear in the settlement papers. Of all of these, the friends are probably the ones you’ll notice most. Maybe it’ll happen gradually, with their texts and invitations slowly dwindling. Or it’ll be like my experience, and everyone will immediately pretend like they never knew you. I think I once witnessed someone hiding from me in public.  

Sure, I’m that person now. My choices are what led to this situation and I accept that. I certainly don’t blame any of these people at all. They were his friends first, or dating his friends, and that’s how it happens. Still, it doesn’t feel any better knowing there’s a totally rational reason for it. I may understand why, but then the self-doubt kicks in and I wonder if any of them even liked me to begin with. I had a lot of fun with this group; they’re all hilarious and so great to talk to. Yet once he made the announcement (….really?) that was it. No more. Some were probably even grateful I wouldn’t be around.

Now here’s where it gets awkward. I still follow a lot of these people on social media. I just never had a reason to unfollow or unfriend anyone. Until recently, that is. There was a beautiful wedding, with beautiful pictures. And in the background of some of these beautiful pictures, I saw my soon to be ex-husband and… someone.

I can give you a long list of reasons why I shouldn’t care. It’s not like I didn’t expect this to happen. It’s not like I thought I would live out the rest of my days blissfully unaware. The logical part of me knows this was inevitable, and that I really have no right to be upset. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to react or be hurt. One of the things I’ve learned is that just because we shouldn’t be hurt doesn’t mean we won’t be. You might be fully aware of how it’ll feel if you get punched in the gut, but it’ll still knock the wind out of you.

That was a fun moment. It does me no good to leave that avenue open. And it’s not like I’m losing anything if we’re being honest. Since being on my own, I’ve had the chance to make such great new friends and reconnect with people I had neglected. I’m moving on in many ways, myself.

So maybe that’s this week’s lesson. You move on and move forward. Like I said last week, it’s never easy but you don’t really have a choice. And it’s okay to feel hurt, because no matter how well prepared you think you are, shit happens. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some cleaning to do.


  1. Love you. ❤

  2. Girl, get out the broom. You'll feel better when you don't have to see him popping up all over the place. I wen through the exact same thing. Even though it was HIS choices that caused us to split, every single person still stuck by him, knowing he was a POS. That made it a little easier, but still, sucked a lot suddenly being down so many "friends."